I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
