Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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