I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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