Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
