OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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