I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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