we have officially lost it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
