shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize