I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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