Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
