he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
