You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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