is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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