you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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