Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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