if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
