Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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