i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
