Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize