Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
