party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
