why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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