Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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