How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
