I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
