it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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