it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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