From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
