even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
