God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
