I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
