You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
