Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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