can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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