I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
