Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
