Define "chronic" masturbator.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
