Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Terrible idea I love it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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