i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
