So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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