so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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