hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
