Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
