So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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