my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
