yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
