New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Randomize
