A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
