Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.

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(214): View more from Texas

Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"

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(805): View more from California

I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?

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(719): View more from Colorado

My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.

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