dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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