Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize