not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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