I cockslap morals
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
