The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
