dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
