I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize