i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
