you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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