Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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