I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
