I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
