The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
