I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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