Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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