I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize