she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
