She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
