I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
