Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize