Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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