Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just found puke in my bra..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
